Friday, April 29, 2005

That's neater than a peter.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Testing, Testing. 1,2. 1,2,3,4.

I am messing with this Hello picture thing. I want to run to Amber and have her do it for me, but I'm smart and I can figure it out. Let's see if it works!

Hiking With Tatum Posted by Hello

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

I've got a lot to say for not feeling like blogging

I am so not in the blogging mood today. I will have to take a moment or two tomorrow to catch up. *sigh* I went hiking with K and Tatum on Saturday. It was really nice. We didn't really hike very far. Tatum got to a place on the trail that was fun for her, so we hung out.

I have a name. Tatum calls me something that sounds like Jenny or Ninny or Tinny or Tiny or something along those lines. She doesn't call me Annalisa or Anna or Lisa, which is okay with me. I have a name.

Tatum sometimes likes to be called "Gabby". I find that very strange. I guess when K and J are talking to her and call her by her name she will tell them, "My name is Gabby." and will argue with them until they refer to her as Gabby. So they call her Gabby for a while and she forgets about it and will go back to being Tatum again. When she asks to be called Gabby she responds to that name as readily as she does her real name. Who else finds this odd? Maybe kids do it all the time. I don't know. I've never raised a child before.

I am going hiking with Josh on Saturday. I am very much looking forward to it. Since he called me last week he won't get out of my head. It's driving me crazy. I have been having dreams about every night. Sometimes more than once a day on the occasion I take a nap. I'm hoping that hiking with him will get him out of my system. Nothing else seems to be working. I'm looking forward to seeing him, but dreading the fact that my plan may back fire. Oh well.

I never want to get married. Well, I do want to get married, but it actually, really scares me. Amber's mother-in-law is insecure with herself so she points out the faults of everyone else hoping no one will see the faults she sees in herself. (I got that from my own personal experiences, and has nothing, nothing to do with anything Amber has said.)
My younger brother and his wife have are having marriage problems. Nathan is doing something Katie doesn't approve of. He's gotten fired over it and lies about it. When they argue they throw things and break stuff. His mother-in-law airs their dirty laundry then tells Katie how easy it would be for her to divorce Nathan. yuck.
My big brother's in-laws tried to get in on the family raising and Philip and his wife had to put their foots down. They didn't talk to his in-laws for a year. Luckily Philip's wife stuck by Philip and they fought the battle together, and won. It would have been hard if they were divided on the issue. I know that when you marry, you marry the family too. It's scary. I want to live happily ever after....

Monday, April 25, 2005

Drool In A Cup Fun

Let's recap shall we:

Vagina Boogers

Nipple Hill

Ugly, old, fat lesbians making out on the corner in broad daylight

A man so incredibly sexy it was rude. (This man was walk into a wall hot. Helllooooo Nurse!)

I ate sushi for the first time and it was sooooooooo good. I now love sushi.

I made a Bruce Lee buddie.

I am not allowed to use Amber's loofah to clean my private parts, must use hands

8 year olds wanting to sip Amber's $300 overpriced Pina Colada

Gay ass Lion Hats

The best shirt EVER: Satisfaction Guaranteed, Call 555-HAND

Time to go eat. More stories later.

Friday, April 22, 2005


It is dead silent in the office right now. Which means I am tired. Really tired. I hate silence, I always need some sort of backround noise, preferably my choice of music. In the mornings I have music going, it gets me going. I couldn't even sing along with Jack this morning on my drive to work. *sigh* IS it nap time yet? This post isn't very well written because my fingers are so heavy and my brain is focusing so much on lifting the leaden things to type that it can't concentrate (I just read this sentence 4 times trying to remember where I was going with this) on making it sound good. No proper English for me today. I will NOT be multi-tasking today.

Update: I emailed Gabe, but he did not email me back. Oh, well. My life has continued on.

I am over my Josh high and decided that I am happy loving him and not being in love with him.

I am wearing a black bra.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Warm Fuzzies

I am so happy today. Before I tell you all why I am so happy today I want you all to know that I wrote and email to "Gabe" yesterday, then I realized that I don't have his email address! And by the time Amber gave me his email address I chickened out. Oh well, his loss.

Everyone needs to go check out Luke's blog. I think it applies to what happened to me last night. Luke talks about letting someone go even though you love them and it's painful.

Last night Josh called me out of the blue. Josh and I have known each other for 9 years and he's called me maybe 5 times. We talked for a little over 2 hours, at midnight I had to let him go. I can't stop smiling. I don't think we are going to get back together, but from our conversation I know that he still loves me. I didn't even know he cared. (I'm having a hard time putting into words what I want to relay to you).

As I was talking to Amber yesterday she discovered that I have a timeline in my life, Before Josh and After Josh. I realized how lame I actually am. An Ex-Timeline. sheesh. *rolling my eyes* I told him that last night. He didn't think it was lame, he was flattered (I hate when guys say that... we all know what it really means.) He came to confess to me that he has a Before Annalisa and an After Annalisa timeline too. Then he told me that I'm still the biggest part of his life. (I feel all warm and fuzzy right now).

After my first experience with Japanese food . He told me felt like such an ass afterward because I didn't enjoy myself. Which I know to be untrue because I was with Josh. And that's always a good time.

I find my laugh overly loud and obnoxious. I told him that last night as I'm sure I blew his ear drum from laughing. He told me that he loves my laugh. He took me for a trip down memory lane where he used to intentional get me to laugh uncontrollably because he loved it when I would do that. People would drive by us in our car with our faces all red with Josh spiting on the steering wheel, giving up weird looks.

He was sweet last night. Told me that we had a good relationship, it was always a lot of fun for him. And that he's forgiven me for all the stuff I deserved to be forgiven of. *sigh* We are going hiking next week-end.

U2 was on TV last night, a show I've been trying to catch for a few weeks. But I didn't watch it because I was talking to Josh. My mom came and saw me this morning. She gave me a book and a bracelet as a present. I can't stop smiling. (I know you guys don't care BUT I AM HAPPY!)

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

So uptight it hurts.

*sigh* Amber is trying her damndest to convince me to email Gabe, the boy who molested her at the U2 concert. I thought he was very cute, but he was interested in my married big sister, which is the way it always seems.

Here is this current conversation. (I am Iron Eye. Don't ask).

Amburger says:
You should email Gabe

Iron Eye says:

Amburger says:
Tell him you want an Uno rematch and to have his babies

Iron Eye says:
yeah. okay.

Amburger says:

Iron Eye says:

Amburger says:
yeah. okay. When it was like the best idea EVER

Iron Eye says:
Hi Gabe er Emrys. I want an Uno Rematch, OH! AND! I forgot to tell you, I want to have your babies.

Amburger says:
No, you don't tell him you want to have his babies

Iron Eye says:
I feel weird being attracted to someone who so closely reminds me of my cousin

Iron Eye says:
I should blog about that one, or not.

Amburger says:
Just keep the lines of communication open for next time you are in Alburquerque

Iron Eye says:
okay. Because I go to Alburquerque ALL the time.

Amburger says: never know.

Amburger says:
What if he moves to Prescott?

Amburger says:

Amburger says:
Just email his sorry ass already.

Amburger says:

Amburger says:
Quit analyzing everything, sister o' mine

Amburger says:
You found a cute boy that likes U2. He specifically said in his email to tell you hello.

Amburger says:
I am leaving the computer now to see what I can do that is productive with my life.

Iron Eye says:
Don't you think it's odd that I am attracted to someone that reminds me of my cousin?

Iron Eye says:
And not Joel.

Amburger says:

Amburger says:
Is no good for you?

Amburger says:
So what if he bears a resemblance to Abe?

Amburger says:
he's tall, dark and handsome. Not your fault. he's not your cousin. he is funny.

Iron Eye says:

Amburger says:
I think he is cuter than Abe.

Iron Eye says:
I'm going to say this: I think you're hot because you are tall dark and handsome. You remind me a little too much of my cousin, but I'm still attracted to you. Can I have your babies?

Iron Eye says:
Besides, he liked you.

Amburger says:
I wouldn't tell him any of that.

Amburger says:
Besides, I'm married

Iron Eye says:
It was a joke. sheesh.

Amburger says:
Just jump into something without thinking for once.

Amburger says:
He's a Christian.

Amburger says:
He likes U2

Amburger says:
He has dark curly hair

Iron Eye says:
I'm going to tell him that your husband didn't like him molesting you.

Amburger says:
He's tall

Amburger says:
That's fine

Amburger says:
He's funny

Amburger says:
Why the hell are we still talking

Amburger says:

Amburger says:
I cannot believe you need convincing.

Iron Eye says:
I don't even know what I would say.

Amburger says:
I will send you a pic I didn't send him.

Iron Eye says:

Iron Eye says:

Amburger says:

Amburger says:
The dude lives in NM!!!

Amburger says:
it's not that big of a deal

Amburger says:
Unless it works out or something

Amburger says:
Live a little

Iron Eye says:
i am blogging about this

Amburger says:
That you can't loosen up where boys are concerned to even send an email to someone that in all likelihood you will never talk to again but there is a slim chance because he is everything on your list but you come up with lame excuses.

Amburger says:
My lame excuse would be that his name is Emrys


I am so uptight I can't even email a cute boy who I will never talk to or see again.

Let's talk about me now.

I am going to make a list of stuff about me because nothing exciting happened yesterday.

1. I am supposed to be taking meeting notes right now.
2. I am blogging instead.
3. I am the third of four kids.
4. I used to come home sober and everyone thought I was stoned. So I started going home stoned all the time.
5. I started drinking in 7th grade, though I never thought of myself as a drinker, still don't.
6. I had a shaved head my Jr. & Sr. years of high school.
7. I did not graduate from high school, which is embarrassing.
8. The GED test was the easiest, most ridiculous test I have ever taken.
9. I gained 100 pounds in a year.
10. If smoking pot was legal, I would be a pot head again.
11. I didn't get my drivers license until I was 19.
12. My dad made me get my drivers license.
13. My parents forgot me at church on a Wednesday night after Awana and I had to walk in the dark with coyotes howling 5' away from me.
14. I got into the car with a strange older man that night. It was the only time I have ever done that.
15. I lost my virginity when I was 19.
16. I had sex for the first time because I wanted to, not because I was in love.
17. I have been to 5 U2 concerts.
18. I find tattoos are incredibly sexy.
19. I want a tattoo, but don't know what to get.
20. I know more about how the office runs than my boss does.
21. I want to have 3 kids.
22. I am the only not married child of my parents.
23. I like brussel sprouts.
24. I used to own a bong, 2 pipes, and a steam roller.
25. I never like anyone when I meet them for the first time.
26. I don't trust men.
27. I drive a Toyota Tundra.
28. I was born on a Thursday at 8:29am.
29. I have been dying my hair since I was in 7th grade.
30. I have been wearing glasses since I was in 1st grade.
31. I have never been in a fight.
32. My sister is my best friend.
33. I used to have a pet rat named Boofus.
34. I prefer shrooms over acid.
34. I like to hike.
35. I am very honest and very blunt about it.
36. I quit smoking cigarettes, cold turkey, for a boy.
37. I think the most important part of being sexy is feeling sexy.
38. My dad used to say that I would enter the room mouth first.
39. I played basketball in high school until I discovered drugs.
40. I tried to commit suicide.
41. I am a happy, well rounded person now.
42. I have a gay uncle.
43. My dad is a Baptist Pastor.
44. My Grandpa Brownie is the only person I've been close to that has died.
45. Everyone calls me "Little Joyce" because I take after my Grandmother so much.
46. If a man has dark curly hair (on his head), he is automatically my type.
47. I don't regret giving my daughter up for adoption.
48. Smoking pot is suppresses my appetite. (I drink A LOT of water instead of eating).
49. I am very passionate.
50. I hate unopinionated people.
51. My favorite cousin, Abe the Babe, lives in NC.
52. I have been to the Caribbean, Hawai'i and will shortly add Ireland to that list of places I have visited off the mainland.
53. My favorite color is Kelly Green.
54. I love the word "cunt". It's fun to say.
55. The smell of kind bud turns me on and makes my mouth water.
56. Amber once carried on a conversation with me in my sleep.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

tick tock tick tock tick

WTF?! It's not even 3:00 yet and I am soooooooooooo bored. I'm dying over here. Please kill me or carry me off away from this devil place where time stands still.

If by yes you mean yes, THEN YES!

It is only 11:00 am but it feels like it should be 1:00pm, which means that I have been WAY too productive today. When 1:00 actually rolls around I'm gonna have nothing to do. So I am slowing down, going with the blog flow, killing time until 1:00 shows up so I can start working again.

I smuggled the camera that Amber took pictures with into the concert in my bra. Couldn't even tell. Even if you felt my boobs you couldn't tell there was a camera in there. Nice, huh?

I walked to get the mail today and 4 men rubbernecked it to look at me. DAMN do I look good. I don't actually think I look that good, but if men, 4 of them, are rubbernecking it to stare at me I've gotta look smokin'. It's amazing how 24 pounds can effect people's reactions to you. Too bad no Tacoma's drove by on my short jaunt out.

I bought a knee-high pair of brown LEATHER boots at Dillard’s on Friday for $13.35! What a steal! I left my box in Amber's car and didn't get my box back until Sunday night. It's a good thing I didn't need my box over the weekend. Wouldn't have wanted to be caught with my panties down and be boxless! That would have been embarrassing.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Excuse me, I find you RUDE!

Peg, the Lady Who Steals Girl Scout Cookies, quit on Thursday. Friday was her last day. She told my boss that I am very intelligent and that I am very good at what I do and am efficient. She also told him that waste a third of my time on the computer and talking on the phone. I was a little angry when I heard that. Well, Peg, you wasted most of your time at work because you are too frickin' stoopid to grasp the single concept of putting papers where they belong in the file.

Everyone has their type of a sexy vehicle. For me it's a Toyota Tacoma. I think they, and by they meaning me, should screen everyone interested in purchasing a Tacoma. I always feel tricked, betrayed, and a little dirty when driving down the road and the sexiness of the Tacoma catches my eye to find someone other than a hot piece of ass driving. I have, HAVE to check out which young stud is driving and to my dismay it's a woman, or an old man. The old man I can let by, but a woman?!? No, no, honey, no. Didn't you get the memo? Young hot studly men drive Tacoma's. You dirty bitch, you. Tricking unsuspecting sexy women like myself to lust after you for a moment until we realize it's you and not the young man who finds me as beautiful as I actually am. Not fair. RUDE!

Went to the U2 concert on Friday. It was AMAZING. I felt a little dirty there as well. Bono was humping the air while singing "She's slippery, she's sliding down..." He did a little back and forth action then a little to the side, then the other side. I felt almost voyeuristic, like walking in on someone doing something you shouldn't be seeing. Woops. Sorry 'bout that.

There was also this really rude guy of the Asian descent cutting in front of this woman who was patiently waiting to spend her hard earned money on over priced concert T-Shirts and such. He bumped in front of her and sticks his money out "I WANT TO BUY A HAT!!" She confronts him and tells him to wait his damn turn. So the Helper Lady who takes your money walks over to the patient lady and the rude guy sticks his arm out and gets helped first. I couldn't just stand there and watch this injustice happen. So I proceed to tell him he's incredibly rude. He makes some comments back. And I ask him, "How would Bono feel about how you are acting right now? Would he approve?" This little rude Asian man was put in his place. Booyakasha! He was put in his place.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

9 Lives? I have 99 and used 90 of them.

I went hiking today on my lunch break. It was beautiful. I was telling David M. about all the stupid things I did in high school e.g.: get stoned in the bus circle, get stoned behind the teacher parking, leave campus for lunch (we had closed campus) and come back blazed, ate acid at school. Lying to cops while getting out of a vehicle that we had just clam-baked in. "No officer, I wasn't smoking marijuana. What's that? I have weed in my teeth? And resin on my fingers?" Eating acid then driving and such. Stupid shit, bunches and bunches of it.

One night in my Sophomore year my friend Samantha spent the night at my house. We had been over at Jennifer and Amy's and I had a curfew of 11:30. We were at my house for half an hour or so and decided that we didn't want our Mickey's 40 to go bad and the solution to that was sneak out and go back to Jennifer and Amy's. Out the window we go, *crunch* *crunch* *crunch* the rocks beneath our feet sounded like thunder in our ears. Hope my parents don't wake up. Looking back I'm sure you can't hear much of anything over my dad's snoring.

We are about 700' from my house in front of Big O Tires, poorly hiding the Mickey's in my jacket and we see a cop car drive by. Shit. The curfew in Sedona is 10:00 for kids under 16 and midnight for kids 16-18. The cop pulls into the parking lot right after I toss the 40 under this tiny bush that was 3 and a half feet tall with 6-8" between the ground and where the bush starts. The cop gets out of the car, shines his flashlight in our eyes. The usual go-around ensues.

Cop: Do you know what time it is?

Us: No.

Cop: It's 12:05. It's past curfew. How old are you girls?

Me: 16.

Samantha: I'll be 16 in a month.

We hear this crunching of dirt and gravel over by the said tree. The cop turns his upper body keeping his arm at that same 90-degree angle and shines his light on the beer that rolled out from under the tiny bush.

Cop: Is that yours?

Us: No.

Cop: Don't lie to me. I saw you put it there.

Me: No you didn't because it's not ours. (I know he's a lying asshole. He was still turning around when I was hiding our beer.)

Cop: I know it's yours.

Me: Not saying anything but thinking the only way he's gonna be able to find out is if he fingerprint it, which isn't gonna happen.

Cop: What's your name?

Samantha: Samantha Th......

Me: Annalisa B......

Cop: As in Amber B......? As in Bud B.....'s daughter? As in 120 Deer Trail Drive? As in 204-2739?

Me: (shit, shit, shit) Yes.

Cop: Well I know your sister REAL well. And your dad too I might add. You're not far from home, Annalisa, you may want to turn around and go back there. Unless you want me to give you a ride.

Me: This curfew is bullshit.

Cop: Well, I can call your dad if you want.

Samantha: No, no, Officer, sir, we are on our way.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

La muerte ha robado el cuerpo de vida, su alma

For those of you who have never traveled along 179 I am going to give you an idea of what it looks like. It is a two-lane road with traffic traveling in each direction. There are a lot of little dirt pull offs to go hiking or whatever. On both sides of the road are dirt and trees, sometimes 5-foot drops and no rail guards. It's a very curvy road with a posted speed limit of 40mph. The road winds in out of the Red Rock formations, up and down hills. If you are not paying attention because you are drunk or looking at the formations you could very easily continue on a straight path when the road curves off to the left or right.

On my way to work this morning I saw DPS car pulled off on one of the dirt pull offs with his lights flashing. As I drove by I noticed no one was in the car. We were approaching one of the many curves I was talking about and noticed a very large squared tapped off with the yellow Caution tape. The tape was hung on tree limbs, roadside reflectors and laid on the ground. Through the trees you could see what appeared to be a car or a small truck standing on what would have been it grill, all smashed up, like God had smashed the car with his fist as we would a soda or beer can. Next to the vehicle was two dead bodies covered in white sheets.

Seeing things like that always upset me. I go through the same emotions every time. Curiousness of what happened, were they drunk? Then sick shock for those people and praying that they went quickly and painlessly, knowing full well that my pray is useless because it's already been done, it's more of a prayer to comfort myself. I always wonder what their last thoughts were as they flew off the road and their vehicle tumbled over. How long did it take their conscious mind to grasp what was happening? Back to sick shock and sadness for those human bodies, for they are empty now, their family and friends. I say a quick prayer for everyone who will be affected by this death. Then I wonder if it's Josh, and that always scares me, always makes me cry. How will I find out if it's Josh? Will anyone come tell me? Will anyone think of telling me? I have to make myself stop thinking about it. I will make myself sick if I think about that being Josh's body lying under the white blanket, gone.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Tiimmmeee is on my side, yes it is.

Amber brought Margarita's to the Cottonwood office so we could all start our weekend off at 3:30 at the office. I do not like Tequila. I don't remember why. I've often tried to recall that particular memory from storage but can never find it. All I remember is Tequila shots, salt and lime; the rest, which isn't much, is fuzzy, I remember cold tile on my feet and someone else, I think it was a male, but cannot confirm.


Rian and I have been friends since High School. Rian was very picky and wouldn't befriend most of the people who tried talking to him. I found out that he was into smoking pot and Rian decided that I was good enough to be called "friend". We were best friends for a few years and he decided he was going to move to Las Vegas. His family had been encouraging us to get together and now that he was leaving I wondered "What If..." We got together 2 weeks before he left, it last two weeks after he left. I got a letter in the mail one day full of love, talks of marriage and always feeling this way; I didn't feel the same. For a while after we broke up I was the one making the effort for the friendship. It was only two weeks, why let that ruin everything? He never made an effort, never called or wrote, but I knew he cared. One day, sick of the one-way friendship, I told him that if he wanted to continue the friendship he was going to have to call me and make an effort, I was done. He started calling and I visited him a few times in Vegas and he here.

He was gone for 4 years and recently moved back. We have hung out a few times, but our friendship is now on his terms. Rian could never make a decision; it was always up to everyone else. I remember being hungry and making Rian chose where we ate, it took him literally 2 hours to pick a place. TWO HOURS! Las Vegas cured Rian of his indecision. It is now up to him whether or not we hang out, when and where. It was always me who was in control of the friendship. It's strange and hard for me to sit back and wait for Rian to be my friend, to want to be my friend. He's flaky now, which I hate, hate. He knows what he wants and doesn't want, and I'm not sure where I fall. I guess only time will tell.

Friday, April 08, 2005

Gold's Gym?

I have decided to start a new business but I am having trouble coming up with the right name for it.

The idea started with Amber and I in the car. In the past I had suggest that Amber try squats, but as she works out at home she does Calisthenics. She told me that Lunges work just as well as Squats. She does them in the morning before she gets into the shower, naked. The proverbial light went off. *ding* I am going to start a nekkid gym. Bring your dimpled, wrinkled, and stretch marked. Men who's balls hang lower than your dick, you are welcome too. Your penis too small? You are accepted as you are. Beautiful people of the world, come! Enjoy the lastest craze in weight-loss. No homo's please as I do not want any wimmen checkin' out my well manicured bush, thank you very much.

There will be Nekkid Kick Boxing and Nekkid Yoga. Before you come to Nekkid Yoga you must free yourself of all liquids, solids and excess air; no farting. No queefing for that matter. Everyone will have their own personal sound proofed bathrooms decorated to your liking. The doors will swing out from the inside, there will motion sensors on the toilets and urinals, on the water faucets. There will be paper towels instead of the air dryers. No one else will be able to use your personal bathroom. Their will also be showers in each bathroom, we want clean nekkid people.

Some of our featured exercises will be:
Lying Leg Curls
Stiff Legged Deadlifts
Dumbbell Rows
Assisted Push-Ups
Leg Raises
Hello Dolly's
Jumping Jacks
Cherry Pickers
Dumbbell Press
Donkey Calf Raise

If you can think of an exercise that should be included on this list, please feel free to make suggestions. And whom ever comes up with the name for this gym will get 6 months free membership.

Thursday, April 07, 2005


I was driving home last night after working out and I had the dire craving for something greasy; taquitos with sour cream. There isn't a grocery store in the town where I live. The closest grocery store is about 12 miles away, up the freeway, down the road, and through traffic. I was fast approaching my exit, taquitos sounded so good but I've lost 24 pounds since January, did I really want to eat junk food? Sabotage my good feelings of weight-loss? Is the half an hour drive worth it? I went home and made chicken, red potatoes, and brussel sprouts instead.

Wednesday, April 06, 2005


Yea! I just got an email from K, Tatum's mom. It was very sweet. It said:

Hey - I had fun too! I REALLY feel good about our relationship now and where we are with everything, this is what I imagined it could be and it makes me happy (thank you!) - I hope you feel comfortable also, but please talk to me if not. Thanks for the pictures, Sedona is so incredible. Maybe some Sat you and me and Tatum could go hiking sometime. I've been wanting to but just haven't gotten anything planned. I'm sure we could find something fairly easy for Tatum (remember, she's TOUGH) or we could always head to a playground somewhere. Let me know what you think. I tried to download the photos from my camera, but it wouldn't because the batteries are dead. So as soon as I get to the store I'll send some photos your way. Tatum is playing the drums right now, I really hope she will have an interest in music of some sort when she gets bigger. We will certainly encourage it with her background! See you later, K.....

Now, I know that that may not seem like that big of a deal to most of you, but to me it is. Our relationship started out good and went steadily downhill from there. There were a lot of hurt feelings, dis-trust, and anger on both sides. We went through a legal battle over the circumstances of our relationship and what rights I had not as her mother who makes decisions in her raising, but her biological mother who gave up parental rights. I paid for all my legal services and they didn't pay for their legal services. A while back I was going to sue them for reimbursement of my legal expenses which was around $7,000+, but our relationship was progressing in such a manner that I didn't want to take us back to where we were.

A lot of prayer, forgiveness and foraging ahead have gotten us to where we are now. The most important thing for me was Tatum; I didn't want to have an angry relationship with her parents because it would affect her. I wanted a happy environment for Tatum to grow up in, and that's what she has. A lot of people ask me if the situation is weird, and looking in from the outside I can see how it would be to you, but to me it's not. It's natural, it's right, it's good, it's happy, and Tatum makes it all worthwhile. She's in a good home with parents that dote on her. They take the time to teach her everything. I am so happy with Tatum and where she is in her development and her behavior that I am going to call K when I have kids. This whole situation is a blessing to me.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Smooth and Easy

Amber lost out. She waited too long. I was checking me email this morning and saw that U2 added two concert dates in Las Vegas. I called Amber on her cell phone, no answer. I nudged her on chat, twice. I tried talking to her on chat, no response. So what did I do? I called my girlfriend Christy in California, she's excited to go because she's never seen U2 in concert.

I know that you are supposed to respect your elders, but how do you respect someone you don't respect? And once one has made the decision to not respect a person, how does that un-respectable person get into the "Deserves To Be Respected" list?

After my work-out yesterday I walked up to the front desk to exchange my locker key for my membership card and a lady was standing there. One of those lady's who is in her 50's but is trying to look 30, and she was doing a good job of it too. She was drinking something in a to-go hot-cup. She turns to me, looks me over and asks me if I have ever had Easy Flow, Easy Movement, Easy something-or-other. I ask her if she got it at the resort. She tells me no, her friend made it for her. I have never heard of it and I ask what it is, is it like Chai Tea or something? No, it's a tea laxative. Now, why, why would she think that I took laxatives? She either A)Can she sense the impacted fecal matter on my colon and large intestine, B) Was trying to imply that I need to take laxatives to help me loose weight (that's why I'm sweating my fat-ass on the treadmill) or C) Thinks I look like someone who takes laxatives. She drinks it everyday, but at night she so can run to the bathroom at a moments notice. This lady was cute, trendy in her jean jacket, done-up hair and jewelry, it was the last thing that I expected to come out of her mouth. Who tells someone about their bowel movements? Who? Why do you feel the need to let me in on that area of your life? Somethings you just keep to yourself?

Monday, April 04, 2005

Don't touch me there; it still sore from Saturday.

I have learned to never tell Peg she's being quiet because then her mouth opens up like a butthole and starts spewing shit all over the place. It's all quite foul.

Amber and I went hiking on Saturday. I got sun burnt; man alive are my shoulders red! When I get hungry my body shuts down. It didn't used to; it's just recently started since I started working out. I used to get really, really grumpy if I was hungry. Now my body just wants to stop, quit, no more. So there we are at the end of the trail, and now it's time to turn around and hike the 2 miles back to the car when my body runs out of steam. So here I am bitching and moaning about how tired I now am and that my body is done with the hike. We were about a mile from this place called Enchantment, which is a really high-end resort, and Enchantment is about 6 miles from where we parked. Amber's idea was to go to Enchantment, get a massage and eat a tuna sandwich with an iced tea and fresh mint sprig, then ask someone to give us a ride back to the car, which they would do with smiles on their faces. I reminded her this was reality and not Amberland. So we hiked back to the car.

This trail we were on was a Mountain Biking/ Hiking Trail. Rules of the trail are that Hikers yield to Bikers, and they usually bike in a herd of 2 or more. We had to "pull" off the side of the trail for several bikers. Amber came up with this brilliant plan to hide in the bushes, jump some bikers and hijack their mode of transportation. I just rolled my eyes, Yes! What a great idea Amber! So we hike a little further and here comes a single biker and Amber says to me, "Let's take his bike!" And me being who I am, which is me (dude. someone either just farted or pooped in the office. wtf?!?!) thinks logically, how would that work out if we actually did take his bike? There is only one bike and two of us. There are a lot of up-hills on the way back, would take more energy to go up than just walking. I laughed. Amber lives happily in Amberland, while I live logically in reality. I asked her, "Well, we both couldn't fit on one bike. Where would I sit?" (See how well she has me trained? She gets the bike and what do I get? Nothing.) "On the handle bars of course." Me being the very visual person I am pictured Amber pumping furiously on the bike with me sitting on the handlebars, going up and down and up and down this little red rock hills back to the car. Maybe that's not funny to you, but it is to me.

What is that area of skin called between your upper lip and nostrils? That little area on my face is all red and chapped. It looks bad. I'm not going to tell you how it got that way because it's embarrassing. When people ask me what happened I'm going to say this: Have you ever made out with someone so much that your mouth gets all red and chapped? Yea? Well, me too, but that's not what happened.