Splinters on my tongue

I had dinner with Josh last night. We went to a Japanese restaurant in Uptown Sedona. I've never had Japanese food before. I was totally out of my element. I got Miso Soup and no spoon, only the chopsticks. I'm asking Josh what the proper way to eat soup at a Japanese restaurant with no spoon. He tells me to eat the stuff out of the soup with my chopsticks. So I'm fishing around this little bowl stabbing at pieces of tofu as they float by and something green, seaweed maybe? Do they put that in soup? I'm too focused on trying to catch my food, but I'm sure Josh is sitting on the other side of the table enjoying my hungry misery. He finally tells me that you are supposed to drink the broth then eat the stuff at the bottom. Too late, I had eaten my chopsticks wishing for porkchops.

But seriously. I had dinner with Josh last night. I was scared, nervous, and anxious. I made a commitment to myself that I wasn't going to talk about Tatum or when we dated, if he wanted to talk about it, he could bring it up. Which he did not, so it was not talked about. He's changed a lot of things in his life, and I mine. I kept thinking, "Why couldn't you have been this person when we were dating?" We left the restaurant with hugs and it was nice seeing you.

I must admit that I love Josh, and Amber was right, as always. It's not the same kind of love that it used to be. Hanging out with Josh last night felt like it used to before we started dating, before I got pregnant, before everything went bad. It was comfortable, but at the same time a little scary. It has given me a renewed sense, of if it's meant to happen it will happen. It's sad that Josh and I will never be "just friends" again. There is too much past, things go too deep, nothing is on the surface. Even if we do become friends again with light heartedness and laughter, it's all behind the curtain.