Monday, February 28, 2005

I like Pete

There will be no more comments on my blog about my blog-insecurities.

I got my U2 tickets in the mail yesterday! So very exciting! Amber and I got Floor Tickets for the April 14th concert at the Glendale Arena! I can't wait!

I am house sitting for a huge Real Estate mogul here in Sedona. I think his dogs hate me. They ran away, must have been Saturday morning. Last time I house sat for John the dogs, Harley and Sunny, broke into the house and TRASHED the place, chewed shoes, mounds of poop, pools of pee, trash everywhere. These are horse/dogs. Harley is a Great Dane and Sunny is a White German Shepard.

On Saturday night I went out bar hopping with my friend Amanda and her husband. Amanda has the second cutest baby ever, so on Saturday she had a baby free evening. At one of the trashy bars we stopped at I saw a guy a kinda, sorta know. (I guess if I kinda, sorta know him I don't really know him.) So this guy is smashed, and I say hi to him. After I've jogged his memory about where he knows me from he proceeds to say, "Ogh, yerrr the coohl giirrlll. The non-kristian gurllll, the honly koohll girlll there." So what? If you are a "Christian" girl you are automatically not cool? Is that how it works? Glad to know. I AM NOT COOL, not that I thought I was before.

Why do men tuck their shirts into their underwear?


This is a disclaimer to family. Make sure you want to read the rest of this blog before proceeding to do so. Sexual content may be present....


So I hung out with Joe for the first time in a week yesterday. We went to WalMart and I was talking to him about my ex, Josh, and not the Josh from the bar. I jumped on Joe to make a point to him, a figurative point not a literal point. So we leave WalMart and are walking to my truck and Joe punches my arm. Payback naturally has to be worse. So I gave him a purple-nurple. Joe takes that as a sign that he is now allowed to grab at my nipples. (There is a double standard here which he TOTALLY missed out on). So for the next hour or so he kept grabbing my boobs. I told him he better stop or I was going to grab his balls. He took that as a signal to start grabbing at closer intervals. So I grabbed his dick. He had to sit on the end of his bed for a few moment to recover from my magic hands.... There was no pain involved in the penis grabbing so all you men can relax. There was nothing sexual on part, it got the point across and my boobs have been hands free for hours now.

Love is when you know someone has an STD, but you still chose to be with them and love them and take the chance of getting what they have.

Friday, February 25, 2005

Explaining The Rules

Okay. I don't write a lot because no one cares what I have to say, besides it usually about emotions and the crap I dealing with when it comes to Joe. Which todays blog is about, something relating to Joe.

I am going to explaining the rules of "If it's meant to happen, it will happen." or "If it's God's will for my life, it will be." when pertaining to love or a past relationship.

For this to be valid you must stop all communication with the ex. If you are forcing the issue by keeping communication lines open at all times which doesn't allow healing time or forgiving time or anytime at all. When is the other person going to have time to realize that they actually miss you?

Just because you and the ex are on good speaking terms doesn't mean it's meant to happen. Just because the ex says she loves you doesn't mean it's God's will. EVEN IF YOU MARRY YOUR EX, IT DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE THE RIGHT ONE FOR YOU. It just means that you forced something that isn't meant to happen. Now you are screwed, literally and figuratively, because you are now married to the person you chose, not the right one God had for you. Good job loser. You messed it all up.

That is all today. Enjoy!

Monday, February 21, 2005

Standing Back to Watch the Train Wreck

I find it strange the people that God brings into ones life. I recently got over my ex, Josh. It was long and drawn out, considering the fact that I had our daughter 2 years ago, and I'm still not completely over it yet. Josh falls into the "One That Got Away" category, though I'm glad he got away.

Joe, my pseudo-boyfriend, is at the place I was not even a year ago with his ex, Rochelle. They have a hateful relationship but yet still want to drag each other through the mud. They must enjoy pain. I don't understand it. They say they love each other, but there's no respect, kindness, forgiveness there. What is love to them? Love is not spitefulness, pain, anger, or being hateful. When Josh and I broke-up our respect level and love for each other was high enough to NOT want to hurt each other. Let's go on our way, it was nice knowing you, be happy, good-bye.

Seeing how Joe and Rochelle interact gives me an appreciation for the end of Josh & I. It was hard but it wasn't bad. Even in the good-byes it was respectful, caring and considerate. The world's version of love is not real love. No wonder marriages don't work out, they are Joe & Rochelle relationships. I don't want to be a Rochelle or a Joe in my next relationship. I don't even want to date Joe for fear that I will get stuck in a relationship like his past one. I've had time to deal with my issues with Josh. Joe's issues are still a very big part of who he is. I see it in our friendship.

My sister always asks how can I stand Joe? I tell her it has to be God.... lol (it HAS to be God)

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

Relax, don't do it when you wanna go to it....




"Is Grumpy there?"

"No she's not."

"May I please speak with Grumpy?"

"She's not here right now. I left her at the gym."

"Oh, did you leave her on the treadmill? Stay here BITCH!"

"Yep, that's what happened."

Life is good again. I found my taxes and filed them today, the IRS owes me $860.00. I ordered a new debit card. I got my clothes back that I left at the Laundry-Mat last week. The Financial Aid paperwork was at the post office when I checked my mail last night. I got a call from Andrea at APS who was very nice and helpful. The owner of the place I rent is having an electrician come to the house to make sure there everything is okay there with the electricity. I had an awesome work-out last night, his name was Gym. Received new pictures of Tatum today by way of email. I'm going to go see her tomorrow night. Weight lifting tonight on Joe's Bow-Flex.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


"_______" explicit said with great disgust and frustration. *sigh* Today has not started out good. I got an electricity bill for $253.96. I called APS (Arizona Power Source) to find out what the (enter explicit) is going on! The lady I spoke with, Kim, (every please curse her name) was rude, unhelpful and a bitch. $253.96 is a lot of money. I live paycheck to paycheck. I don't have extra money for unexpected expenses. I don't have $253.96 to just dish out. I have a hard enough time having enough gas money from paycheck to paycheck. The owner of the place I rent was being, in my eyes, totally unhelpful with my situation here.

I lost my Visa debit card. Great. Woohoo. Let's hope someone gets a hold of that and spends the money I DON'T have. Then I would be responsible for that as well.

I prepared my taxes and lost them. I was going to e-file and lost the (enter explicit) paperwork somewhere along the line. I haven't heard from the Financial Aid people at my school so I can get that ball rolling. I don't want to have to pay $20,000 all by myself.

It's a good thing today is my running day. It's a good day to run.... too bad it's not a bong day. I don't have those anymore, but if I did, today would be it.

Alrighty then. Sorry 'bout that all. I feel much better.

Today is Tatum's 2nd birthday. Happy birthday Tatum!

Monday, February 14, 2005

Monkeying Around

Joe "pseudo-boyfriend", as my sister sweetly refers to him, is my Valentine. I was surprised though Amber saw it coming. He comes in on his lunch break everyday and I take my daily "Joe Break" as my friend Amanda calls them. Today being no different than every other day, Joe came in to see me. Today being different than every other day he brought me a little stuffed monkey for Valentine's Day. He was on his cell phone when he walked in, handed me the monkey and walked back out. Now off the phone he walks back into the office:

Joe: So, you don't like my monkey?

Me: (not picking up on anything insinuating due to the piles of work on my desk and 6 ringing lines) I love your monkey.

Joe: (laughing) That's great! I just wanted to hear you say you liked my monkey.

Me: Your monkey, however small is still wonderful. I'm going to name my monkey "Little Joey".

Joe: (Standing at 6'3") You mean BIG Joey.

Me: Little Joey it is.

Now that I think of it, the last time I had a Valentine was 2 years ago, right after I had my daughter. Josh gave me a stuffed monkey too. I guess nothing says love like a good monkey. Josh's monkey was much larger than Joe's monkey....

Friday, February 11, 2005


I have been trying to lose weight, and been successful. I've lost 9 pounds in a month. I don't know where they went, and if you find them, you can keep them. I will be sending more along later.

I was telling the Agents at the office that I lost 9 pounds. Gary aka the Littlest Italian aka Mullet Man (hellooooo, it's 2005! Time to rid the world of mullets!) made a comment about how I going to lose my "beautiful breasts". My friend Joe is obessed with breasts as is pretty much every other straight man I've met. Why is that? What is the appeal of breasts? Does it stem back to when you were babies and you breast fed? I was breast fed but you don't see me getting all crazy about breasts. I know my chest is going to get smaller as I lose weight, but so is the rest of me. I've never had to worry about being flat, I was BORN with boobs.

Please enlighten me about this obession with boobs. I'm totally lost.

(Oh, and I got accepted into the college I applied to on the same day I found out I lost 9 pounds. What a great day!)

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Not THAT close!

Sitting in a bar in downtown Minneapolis, my sister on my left and a girl whose name escapes me on my right. We were visiting family up there and hanging out with my cousin Joely-Joel-Joel that evening.

So there we are enjoying drinks, laughing and talking. This No-Name girl on my right turns to me and starts small talk.

NNG: So, where are you from?

Me: Arizona.

NNG: Oh, I used to live in Arkansas.

Me: Oh.

NNG: Are you sisters? (pointing to Amber)

Me: Yes we are.

NNG: How close are you?

Me: We're about 3 and half years apart.

NNG: No, I mean HOW close are you?

Me: (A little confused now) Umm, well, we live about 5 miles apart.

NNG: That's not what I mean. HOW close are YOU?

Me: (thinking real hard about what she's asking me) Well, we're best friends. We shared a room for 18 years.

NNG: Okay. I guess you're not understanding what I'm asking. HOW CLOSE are YOU?

So I'm sitting there with a confused look on my face, thinking to myself, "I've told her how close we are age wise, relationship wise, and distance wise. What on Earth is she asking me?" Amber, who is eaves dropping without me know (isn't that what makes a good eaves dropper?) leans over me and says, "We're close but we're not THAT close."

Now I'm even more confused. What is going on here? What am I missing? Something's going on here and I'm out of the loop. Finally after concentrating really hard I get it. She wanted to know if we are incestuous lesbian lovers! I was repulsed, sickened, angry, confused. Where do YOU people come from?

Me: WHAT!?!?!? I cannot believe you just asked me that!!!! You are disgusting! I can't believe you could even think of something like that!

NNG: Why? It's not that big of a deal. We do it where I'm from.

Me: Yeah, but you're from Arkansas. I guess what they say IS true.

NNG: No, not there, here, in Minnesota.

Me: Whatever. I think there's an empty seat on the other side of the table.

The rest of the evening she sat on the other side of the table calling hookers and call girls out of a local paper and making out with her girlfriend sitting next to her talking about having 3-somes with her and her boyfriend. Which I'm sure they went home and did. You people are sick.

Friday, February 04, 2005

i like it like that

A few things. Let's get this post off to a kick start! I got my first Comment from someone that is NOT my sister. Thanks Pete! I feel special.

Moving on....

"Put it in already!" and "Quit taking it in and out!"

In what situation would these two phrases be appropriate? Let's take a moment to our minds wander..... at Super Wal-Mart of course! My sister and I went to Nics for celebratory drinks last night because of her discovered treasure. (see story here ). Martinis are Nics specialty, so I had 5 of them. Let's keep in mind that I am not a drinker, so after 5 martinis I was feeling pretty damn good.

I got an iPod for my birthday and David Monteith ("i" before "e" except in Monteith) has this cool gadget that you hook into your iPod then tune your radio to a 88.1 and your radio plays the music on your iPod. So we went to Super Wal-Mart purchase one. I had my new toy in my ear with my sister upset because I wasn't listening to her. So being the kind sister I am I decided to share. One earbud for her and one for me. As she is swaying around she keeps pulling my earbud out of my ear, my response in my indoor-liquored voice is "JUST PUT IT IN ALREADY!" Some teenage girls found this very amusing. So the earbud goes back in much to my pleasure.

So we are swaying down the aisle towards the cashiers to leave and my sister keeps fooling around with her earbud (Why, oh why did I share?) so I reprimand her again in my indoor-liquored voice "QUIT TAKING IT IN AND OUT." Ummm....I don't know how these things happen to me but again a group of people overheard my comment and unable to see the thin cord to the earbud that I was referring to, looked at me strangely and moved steadily away.

Maybe I should work on the indoor liquored voice?

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Tatum Posted by Hello

In Genetics Only

I always get asked two stupid questions about the little girl pictured there:
1. Do you regret it?
2. Can you get her back?

Answers: No & No.

That adorable little girl is Tatum Asako (a-sock?-oh!) Barker. Her second birthday is fast approaching. She is my daughter in genetics only. I gave her up for adoption, well, 2 years ago. I was 22 at the time and free from the pot smoke clouding my judgment for the first time in 5 years.

Ours is an open adoption; a VERY open adoption. From what I've come to understand there is no other relationship like the one I hold with the Barkers (her mom & dad). Usually an "open" adoption is where the Birth-Mom (me) and the Adoptive Parents (The Barkers) know each others names, meet maybe once, and the Birth-Mom receives pictures in the mail. What makes our relationship so open is that I'm taking my own pictures of Tatum. I carry on a relationship with The Barkers and I visit Tatum once a month at the Barkers home. When the time is right she will be told that I am her Birth-Mom, there shall be no secrets. How do you explain who the woman is that always comes over to see the two year old?

I am very old fashioned when it comes to family. The Mom, Dad and dog dynamic is very important to me. I realized that Josh would be around, but not in the way that was needed for everyone involved. Ours would have been a life of struggle, financially and emotionally. Would there have been resentment? Probably. Tatum started out as Cyann Rosemarie Herbert. Your kids are going to get hurt, they are going to feel pain and sorrow. I knew if I had made the decision opposite to the one I made her life would have been filled with more than was fair or necessary.

I wish the circumstances were different at the time, if they were I'd have a daughter right now. But considering the circumstances that were at hand, does she look like a Cyann to you?

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I Feel Old

My sister suggested that I start my own blog (b-log as she calls them) since she gets most of her inspiration for her blog from my life. I don't think my life is that interesting. When I was in high school I used to be very creative. I enjoyed writing poetry, stories and such. I was very angry and high all the time so I had fuel for creativity.

My 24th birthday was on Saturday. 24 by comparison is
not old at all. I was thinking about it today, I worked at Subway 8 years ago. I've known Rian for 7 years. I've been listening to u2 for 12 years, I moved to Sedona 12 years ago. That's HALF of my life. 12 years doesn't sound like a long time, until it's HALF of ones life. What's going to happen when 35 is half of my life?